For Love or Despair
by aalikane
Summary: Hermione's been staring at him all throughout class. He notices. How does she explain? How does he react? What does she do?


Disclaimer: I own nothing. J.K. Rowling owns all.

Aali's notes: This is post HBP, but in the sense that Snape is on the side of good and that he and Dumbledore both agreed that Dumbledore would die. This is a ONE-SHOT, that I MAY consider turning into a longer story. But I'd have to figure out a plot for it. If you have any ideas I might be able to use, please feel free to suggest them. Now on to the story!

She was living in a fantasy world full of wonder, and charm. She never thought anyone would ever care for her the way she had always dreamed. She sees everyone around her with his or her own significant other. She wants a relationship of her own, but no boy wants her. She believes it's because of her looks; however this is not the case. No one has bothered to get to know her except for Harry and Ron. She hates it, she is lonely, and craves for a relationship. She knows who she wants, but she doesn't know that he returns her feelings.

Everyday during class she stares into his eyes. The dream of what could happen, vivid in her mind. Her courage is gone. She hasn't told anyone about her feelings of love.

Everyone asks her if she is all right, and every time she answers in the same monotone voice, "I'm fine" she says over, and over again. Because of her temper, no person asks more than twice. She hates it so bad, but what can she do? Her love doesn't return her affections, and she'll do anything to avoid detection.

One day in the middle of class she slips up. She always is able to avoid his glance, until the one day when he saw her staring at him through the corner of his eye. He knows something is wrong with her; he waits for the perfect moment, which comes in the shape of a botched potion.

"Miss Granger that is the sorriest excuse for a potion I've ever seen from a seventh year student. Detention, please stay after class to discuss when." He reprimanded her. Tears were about to fall from her eyes. She didn't want this to happen; she blinked them out of existence. "Everyone else, bottle your potions and you may leave." No one needed to be told twice. They all bottled and labeled their potions and fled from the dungeons as fast as humanly possible.

He motions for her to follow him; she does. They walk into his office and then he sits at his desk. "Sit", he tells her. She sits. "Miss Granger, I am a little mystified about your behavior as of late. You have become unresponsive in class; you don't work to your full potential in my class. I've discussed this with your other teachers and it seems that it is only my class. Your other teachers and I are worried about your performance." She looked away from him, not wanting to let him know he was getting to her. "Why is this Miss Granger? You used to do so well. You are in danger of losing your status as Head girl. Why would you give all this up so close to the end of Hogwarts?"

"Professor, I just don't want to push myself anymore. I'm sick of working so hard and not getting any rewards for it." She told her teacher, not wanting to elaborate on anything at the moment.

"But why Miss Granger? You always pushed yourself. Why stop the last year you are here? You are Head Girl do you really want to lose that? You have gotten all the rewards you possibly could get at Hogwarts." She looks away from him and stares at the wall.

"I don't care about anything like that. I just want to finish this year, and then leave."

"Why do you want to leave Hogwarts?"

"I don't want to leave just Hogwarts, I want to leave everything. I don't want to be here anymore." She still was looking away from him, not able to look him in the eye. She didn't want to leave Hogwarts and everyone in it, she wanted to stay, but she couldn't do it the way things were going.

"Miss Granger if you don't like it here, you can always leave. No one would hold it against you many students, including Head Girls and Boys, have dropped out of Hogwarts because of what they want to do in life."

"Professor tell me this, how could I drop out of Hogwarts? Me, you are talking about the girl who has _Hogwarts, a History_ memorized, the girl who knows where every book in the library is and has read them all at least twice. I can't drop out of Hogwarts. I have no where to go, my parents would be ashamed of me dropping out, I don't have enough money to rent an apartment. I wouldn't be able to do anything in life if I dropped out. Besides, what would the point in that be? It would just stress the fact that I'm—"she stopped herself before she went any further. She was about to say 'alone', but she didn't want to let him know that.

"It would stress the fact that what, Miss Granger?"

"Nothing professor, forget I mentioned it." She avoids his glance. "It was nothing" she said softly.

"Seems like there is something Hermione", she looked up at him. He knew that using her real name would get her attention. "Yes, I do know your first name. It seems like something is bothering you and I don't think it is pushing yourself about your grades. Nothing can ever be fixed without taking a chance." Something in her snapped, she knew that he didn't know what was going on, but he kept pushing her. She couldn't take it anymore.

"What do you know about taking a chance?" she screamed. "You, who clings to his dungeons like they are his life support. You who seems to have more problems then all of Hogwarts combined, do **you** ever take a chance and talk about it with something? Have you ever just pushed people away because things weren't going as you wished they had?   
Do you want to know what is bothering me? Well guess what, it's none of your damned business! It's mine, and it will continue to be mine until I let someone know what is going on. Nothing you do can ever change my mind about that little fact Professor!"

"Miss Granger, you know nothing of my life, do not pretend that you do."

"Then why do you presume to know what goes on in my life? You don't know me any more than I know you. All you see is what I put on for the world, but you don't know ME. I am not the student you thought you knew. That's the other Hermione. The Hermione that comes out when in front of others, I am my own person, and I am not just some character that people think they can just read off like a book!"

"Miss Granger, I understand that you are—"

"You understand nothing you great bat! You understand nothing of what's going on in my life, you are not all knowing. Not even Dumbledore is all knowing, and you presume to be like him? Well screw that, you are not in charge of what I do, how I act, or what I feel, and I would appreciate if you remembered that! Now weren't we here to discuss my detention. Because I have an arithmancy class to get to."

"I informed Professor Vector this morning that I'd be keeping you after class, you do not have to worry about missing arithmancy. As for your little outburst I think you would do well to remember who the professor is in this situation."

"Well then Sir, why don't we switch roles and allow me to teach you something. Stay out of people's business that don't want you in there! You have no right to try and push me or anyone else for information."

"Miss Granger, please contain yourself."

"No, because this is what you wanted wasn't it? For me to pour out my soul? To tell you exactly what is going on with me? Well guess what here it is! I walk around these halls every day and seeing every one of my friends in the arms of their loved ones. I walk around these halls every day and come to the realization every day that I am alone in the world. I don't have my parents with me anymore, sure they are living but I see them twice a year for a few days. My friends are too busy with their girlfriends to pay attention to me, and I don't have anyone there for me." By the end of her speech she was sobbing into her hands. She couldn't take it anymore. She needed someone to be able to talk to, but she couldn't do it. "It's not right, why does everyone else have someone there for them but me" she said in a whisper. He was not ready to hear what she had to say, and it was obvious by the questionable look upon his face. He knew something was wrong with her, but he just didn't know how severe it was.

"Miss Granger, I know it may seem hard at the moment, but neglecting your schoolwork isn't going to chance anything. Wallowing in self-pity won't change the way you feel. Trust me on this." He noticed she was now in a fetal position and was shaking in the seat. He got up and went towards her chair. He bent down to pick her up. He knew she needed a calming draught, and some peace and quiet away from the prying eyes of Hogwarts.

"Professor..."

"Shhh, I'm taking you to the Hospital Wing. You need some rest." She felt perfect in his arms, she took comfort in the fact that she was being protected by the same man that she loved. She relaxed into his embrace and allowed him to carry her to the Hospital. He walked up to the Hospital, not knowing where the matron was, he went to place Hermione on a bed and went to go find her, but when he went to loosen his embrace she clung to him and wouldn't let him go. "Hermione..." he said in the softest voice she'd ever heard him say, "Hermione please you have to let go so I can go find Poppy."

"No, don't leave me." It was at this point that Severus knew that he wouldn't be able to get rid of her ever. He would hurt himself before he let that happen.

"It's okay Hermione, I won't leave you. Shhsh, its okay. You're going to be fine." He said, trying to sooth her.

"I don't want to be here, I don't like it here." He nodded, understanding the feeling and quickly turned around before Poppy heard them come in. He led her back to his office. He knew that she needed sleep but he didn't know where her Head Girls rooms were and he didn't know the password even if he did. He decided on the next best thing; his rooms. He took down the wards protecting his room from outsiders and walked in. It was now that he noticed that she was asleep in his arms. 'Wow,' he thought, 'she must have been really tired.' He put her down on his couch before going into his guest room to make sure that it wasn't in disarray. He went back into the living room and picked her up once again and brought her into his guest rooms. He set her down and tucked her in; he knew she would need some sleep.

After he tucked her into bed to make sure that she was asleep, he went out into his living room to think about what had transpired throughout their little discussion that night. He had a lot to think about.

The next morning Hermione found herself in a strange place. Waking up feeling refreshed, the feeling lasted about 2 seconds before realizing she wasn't in her dorm. Afraid of where she might be she started to shake, but all of a sudden she heard a knock on the door. "Hello?" The voice on the other side of the door said. Hermione instantly recognized the voice of her potions professor.

"Miss Granger, are you up?" Snape asked her, walking in the door to the room. Hermione looked up at him and realized that she was in his own private quarters.

"Professor I—"

"Hermione, I've ordered breakfast for the two of us. There is a lot that we need to discuss." Hermione went to stand up but when she put her feet on the ground the floor was freezing, causing her to jump back up onto the bed. "There are some slippers on the other side off the bed you may use; I know the floor can get a little chilly at times." Hermione nodded and then went to find the slippers while Snape walked out of the room.

After putting on the slippers Hermione found herself walking into her professor's living room where he was sitting on the couch waiting for her to sit down. Seeing the plate of muffins and fruit on the table in the living room she went and sat down on one of the armchairs. He offered her some fruit from the table and then leaned back and started to speak. "Hermione how are you feeling?"

"To be honest professor? Pretty damn awkward. I wake up in a strange room, to someone knocking on the door, only to find out that it is my potions professor waking me up after he put me to bed last night after I stared sobbing on his shoulder, and confessing what's been eating at me for over a year now. How do you think I feel about this Professor?"

"Hermione, about last night…"

"Professor, don't. I do not want to have to sit here and relive my outburst from last night. I just want to forget that it ever happened. It isn't something you should concern yourself with. I can handle all of this on my own, and I don't need your help."

"Hermione I know you are suffering, but I cannot allow you to go through this on your own." Hermione stood up and went towards the door, muttering things to herself.

"Professor, I appreciate what you did last night; however there will not be a repeat of it. Last night was just a small breakdown, and I'd appreciate it if you never mentioned it again. Good day professor." Hermione went to open the door only to find out that the door was locked. She turned around to see a smirk on her professor's face. "Why isn't the door open?"

"I had assumed you would try and run away before getting to the bottom of what ever is bothering you. I've warded the door so that you will not be able to leave today until I feel you are able to work through what is bothering you." He said with a frown on his face. "I wish I wouldn't have to go to these measures Hermione, but what's done is done."

"Professor," she said with a hiss to her voice, "open the door! You have no right to lock me in here. This is unwarranted detainment! I could get you fired for this if I went to Dumbledore." Snape stood up and walked over to her, and grabbed her arm and led her back to her seat.

"Is that so? Well why don't we call Dumbledore in here and see shall we? We shall tell him about the outburst yesterday. We'll see how he reacts when he finds out that not only did I seem concerned for you yesterday but also that I went to the trouble to make sure you were safe and tucked in bed after your outburst. Needless to say he'd be a bit shocked that I showed concern rather than the fact that you are here against your will, which I might add is not true as you happily complied when I brought you into these chambers last night, something you did not act so docile with when I initially brought you to the infirmary. So what do you think Hermione, want to tell Dumbledore about this now?" Hermione shook her head and sat down. She knew she'd need a lot of endurance to keep up with him today if they were to discuss what happened.

"Professor, Sir, why do you care about what is going on in my life? You never used to care about me, or rather any student in your care. You've always seen me as a know-it-all and haven't ever bothered to care about me before. So why now?" Snape sighed; he knew this question would come up. He didn't know how to approach his real intentions.

"Hermione, you know as well as I do that before Voldemort was destroyed, I couldn't show any concern towards anyone outside of Slytherin, especially to a muggleborn like you. However that does not mean that I have never cared about whether or not you were in trouble or under duress. I've always cared about you and every student to pass under my supervision." He paused to let that sink in. "It breaks my heart to see you selling yourself short by just barely passing potions. I know you can do better. I believe that you can do better than what you've been doing."

"So now because Voldemort is gone, you can all of a sudden show concern to people you never showed concern before? Who else have you shown your concern to besides me? Voldemort's been dead for a year now."

"Hermione I wish I could say I've shown more concern to others however I have not. I have not been put into a position where I can show concern until now."

"I've been in this state of depression for 4 months now, and just NOW you've decided to show some concern? Bull, tell me the real reason professor." 'Because I love you Hermione' Snape thought.

"Hermione to be honest, I haven't noticed until the past couple weeks. School only just started 3 weeks ago, and I only started to notice your grades dropping significantly within the past week. But do you want to know the one thing that caused me to give you detention yesterday?" She nodded her head. "It is because I saw you staring at me. And I wanted to know why. I've noticed you staring at me for the past week and was wondering why on earth you would do that. Care to give me an answer?" Hermione shook her head 'no'.

"No, I don't believe that is any of your business."

"As your professor, anything that might be causing your grade to drop is my business, so why don't you just tell me what happened and we can get through this."

"Professor, I can't tell you why I was staring at you." Snape knew something was up now when she said that. "If I told you…well lets just say it wouldn't be good."

"Hermione, remember the summer before Voldemort was killed? Remember all those nights in the potions lab at Grimmauld place, when you and I would work on all the potions for the Order? You were able to open up to me and vice versa then, why can't you do it now?" Snape continued to push through her defenses. If he continued he knew she would eventually crack and tell him what was wrong.

"Please, I can't tell you. If I told you, it would ruin everything." He stood up and went over to her chair. He kneeled down in front of her so they were at eye level.

"Please Hermione, tell me what's wrong." He needed to know what was going on. "Please, why won't you tell me?"

"Because if I did, you would hate me." She said in a mere whisper. He put his arms around her to give her a hug.

"I could never hate you Hermione. I have never and will never hate you." Suddenly Hermione looked up at him and saw her chance.

'It's now or never Hermione, let's go.' She thought to herself as she pushed her head towards his, allowing their lips to touch ever so slightly. It only took a second for Severus to realize what was going on, and then he leaned forward more. All it took was a split second before Hermione ran her tongue along his mouth, in hopes that he'd forget she was his student and let her in. He opened his mouth and their tongues battled for supremacy; eventually his won out and soon they had to break apart for lack of oxygen.

"Hermione…" She silenced him by kissing him again. After a few seconds he broke the kiss. "Hermione what was that all about?" He wasn't mad with her, just wondering where that kiss came from.

Hermione blushed and said in a playful tone. "Well you wanted to know why I was staring at you. It was because I had never been able to do that, and now that I have," she paused, "I never want to stop."

Hope you liked it, please review! They are much appreciated!


End file.
